101 Uses for Polyjuice
by SiriusMarauderFan
Summary: The world's oldest profession has just been updated. Collection of stories about the polyjuice brothel. (rated M as a precaution)


**Author's Note:** Written for…

Fanfiction Dominoes Game Challenge. _Pairing:_ Lucius/Remus

Weird Prompt Strikes Back! _Prompt:_ polyjuice brothel

 **101 Uses for Polyjuice**

"Room thirteen is free, Lupin," the buxom blonde woman said as she trotted into the break room. She was running a towel through her hair and dumped it in Remus' lap when she was finished. "I'll take a cup of tea before you go."

Remus didn't recognize the woman, but that wasn't unusual. Her hot pink robe gave away who she had been an hour before.

"I'm not your house-elf, Delilah," he muttered, dropping the towel in a hamper on his way to room thirteen.

The room was in the usual state of dishevelment: the bed unmade, a few decorative knickknacks knocked over, a wine stain on the faded carpet. Remus started the cleansing charms right away, waving his wand over every surface two or three times to be sure it was at least partially sanitary.

The charms were useless on the bed. He stripped it with as little physical contact as possible, grimacing at the suspicious stains on the sheets.

"Tomorrow I go job hunting," he muttered as he redressed the bed with fresh sheets. It was an empty, one he'd made every night since he started working at the brothel three months before. There had been few career options then and even fewer now. No one wanted to hire a werewolf.

He dumped the dirty sheets in a concealed laundry chute to the brothel's basement and readied himself for what he might find in the bathroom. In comparison, it probably wasn't as bad.

The bathtub had just been scrubbed out when he heard voices coming from the bedroom and froze. There were 'Do Not Disturb' signs on all of the room doors in the brothel that were supposed to be flipped when in use or being cleaned. Remus had never forgotten this – not since the Rowena Ravenclaw incident on his third day – but today he'd been preoccupied by annoyance with Delilah and disgust with the state of the room and the sign had been put out of his mind.

Remus opened the door a crack and peeked outside, hoping to catch the attention of the Specialist. He wasn't on great terms with the most of them, but surely they wouldn't have him suffer through listening to their … work.

His view was obstructed by the client, who stood in front of the bathroom door with his back to Remus. He was instantly recognizable, if not from the expensive black robes, than by the long blonde hair drawn up with a black ribbon.

Remus' stomach clenched as he watched Lucius Malfoy parade around the gaudy room, inspecting the newly-made bed.

"This isn't my usual room," he said distastefully.

"I'm sorry, sir. We weren't expecting you tonight, and we're booked."

The blonde man heaved a sigh and removed his outer robes, pulling a small vial from a pocket as he did.

"The usual," he said, handing it to the pretty Specialist.

' _Now's my chance_ ,' Remus thought. Lucius' back was to him again and the Specialist, Sherry, was looking his way. He waved his hands wildly, trying to catch her attention without making any noise. A part of him wanted to keep quiet and stay hidden to watch the show – to see who Lucius wanted Sherry to become. It had absolutely nothing to do with Remus' absurd crush on the older man.

His wish was accidentally granted when Sherry turned away to down the goblet of potion in her hand without having spotting him.

There were only two options now: hide behind the shower curtain and plug his ears until the whole thing was over, or stay and the door and watch. Despite his curiosity, Remus had already made up his mind to hide when Sherry began to change. He'd never seen it happen before – the transformations almost always happened in front of the customers – and he couldn't look away.

Her hair shortened and lightened until it was similar to his own. He couldn't see her face from his angle, but watched with wide eyes as her shoulders broadened and the lemon yellow robe became tight on her new frame.

"Are you ready to begin?"

Remus had to cover his mouth to keep from screaming at the sound of the voice – his voice, sounding familiar and yet different coming from someone else's mouth.

Sherry turned around, revealing Remus' face. The robe was hanging open, too small to be kept tied, and showed off more than Remus would have cared for. Still, he had to admit, the polyjuice really did duplicate _everything_.

He watched in horror as his clone walked forward, shedding the robe, and pulled Lucius into an embrace. The blonde seemed to be enjoying the show, resting his hands on Other Remus' hips and leaning in to kiss him.

Behind the door, the real Remus fumed at the sight, although he wasn't sure if he was angrier that Lucius was paying to sleep with _him_ , or that Sherry hadn't told him.

When the minutes dragged on and the pair still hadn't parted, Remus collected his courage and marched into the room, clearing his throat as he went. The broke apart instantly, Other Remus diving for the discarded robe to cover himself and Lucius staring in confusion at the genuine man.

"What's this?" Lucius asked, unbuttoning his shirt. "Two for the price of one?"

The Remuses shared a look. The real one raised an eyebrow to his clone, seeing the guilt in his eyes.

Now would've been the perfect time to back out. He could make some excuse – a mix-up at the front desk – and excuse himself to let Sherry finish her job. Well, it was either that or…

"I cost double," he said, putting on a smile and leaning against the bedpost.

"That's a steep price."

"He'll be worth it," Sherry said, attempting to hide her amused smirk as she draped her robe over a chair.

Lucius nodded, seeming satisfied with the recommendation. "All right. I'm ready."


End file.
